I Will Always Remember

It's been a while since I've been here and, to be honest, I'm not even really sure how to start this post.  I guess I'll start with by saying that I lost my grandfather, my pop, last Sunday.

After his funeral, on the two hour drive back home that night, I instantly tried to think of every possible memory I had of my pop. I had this rush of urgency sweep over me, and I knew it was because I was desperately trying to remember every single thing that I could remember about him.  His voice, his laugh, the things he did, the things he said. I wanted to remember it all.

I knew that I wanted, scratch that, I knew that I needed to put those memories in a concrete place. So I came here that night. And I started typing. Really fast. I didn't care about my spelling mistakes, or how the sentences were formed, or even if they made any sense at all for that matter.  I was afraid that if my fingers didn't get those memories added quickly, they would be gone. Just like him.

But over the last few days that feeling of urgency hasn't been there anymore, and I think it's because that I'm now realizing that when you lose someone that you love so much, your memories of them don't just vanish into thin air or disappear in the blink of an eye. They stay with you because they were such a huge and important part of your life. You strongly hold onto, not only the big moments, but the small, sudden little reminders of them. Even if you realize it or not.

Well, it's been over a week now and I'm hitting the publish button on that post I wrote the night of his funeral. A week ago these were things that I had written because I was so afraid that I would forget them, but now I'm sharing them because I know these are things that I will always remember.

I will always remember....playing outside with my cousins in his strawberry gardens and him only yelling at the boys for squishing all of his strawberries.

I will always remember....playing beauty parlor with my nan but my pop would be the one who would end up with the curlers in his hair.

I will always remember....my pop asking every time he saw me if I've ate my broccoli because he knew how much I hated those little green vegetables.

I will always remember....how handsome he looked when he was all dressed up for church.

I will always remember....seeing him cry after losing my nan when I was seven years old and then again when he lost his other wife when I was eighteen years old.

I will always remember....relying on him when I needed a ride; whether it was picking me up from volleyball practice or when I was sick and needed to leave school early.

I will always remember....him joking with me when he would drive on the road to my house, wondering why I hadn't filled in all of the pot holes yet.

I will always remember...how much my pop loved to eat, but yet he was the healthiest eater I had ever known.

I will always remember....that even to this day, red grapefruit reminds me of him.

I will always remember.... when I was younger, staying at his house whenever my parents were out of town and how big of a social life he had at that time. Luckily this meant being able to stay up late watching TV and eating chips until I would hear the doorknob turn, and then have to pretend that I was asleep.

I will always remember....the love he had for animals, especially mine and my moms cats, and how
every single time I would have to go back home, it would break my heart to take my cat back with me.

I will always remember....the way he would say "How's ya Todd?" whenever Todd walked into the room.

I will always remember....him watching Family Feud or The News on the highest possible volume.

I will always remember....how inseparable him and my mom were the last few years of his life.

I will always remember.... you.
I will always love you.
And I most certainly will always miss you.

It's so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.