An Underwear Thief + A Giveaway

21 May 2014

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I say and do a lot of embarrassing or clumsy or, downright, stupid things. Honestly, there's usually never a week goes by that I don't have some sort of story to tell Todd over dinner, or one that he doesn't witness all by himself that results in us sporadically looking back and laughing about it together months down the road. And to those stories, his first response is always the same: "only you Renee, only you". Wait, now that I think about it, if he's with me when it happens, his first response is to usually shake his head, run away, and then pretend he doesn't even know who I am. Ahh, true love right there!

So, today, I figured I would paint the picture of my most recent story.

It was Saturday afternoon and, as usual, I was trying to cram every errand that had to be done in the shortest possible time frame, aka running around like a chicken with it's head cut off or, as I prefer to call it, being efficient. I only had ten minutes before I had to pick up Charley from daycare (yup, you read that right) so I pulled into the mall close by and decided that was just enough time to quickly run in and buy the sweater I had my eye on a couple of weeks ago. I didn't want anything weighing me down and interfering with my speediness, so I left my purse in the car and grabbed my cell phone, visa, and car keys instead, and made a mad dash inside. After I made my purchase, just as I was about to leave, I noticed La Senza was having a sale, so of course I had to check it out. After all, Charley had destroyed about half of my underwear selection over the last few months and I was really not enjoying the current increase in laundry days. "Seven pairs for $28? That's a pretty good deal", I thought to myself, so around the table I went, trying to find the kinds I liked the best.

Can we just take a second and talk about underwear? If there's one thing I'm particular about, it's underwear. They can't be too high, too low, too tight, too lose, or too stringy, they have to be just right or it's pretty safe to say they'll end up in the corner of my drawer, along with all of the other uncomfortable pairs I've collected, or the extra "dainty" ones that were bought when me and Todd first started dating that rarely (see: never) make an appearance anymore. Oh you know you have those piles too!

Obviously picking out seven pairs of underwear was a chore that I didn't want to take too lightly, so after searching for a few minutes and having no luck finding the five remaining pairs, I put back the third pair I had in my hand that I was doing my latest investigation on, and continued to speed walk out of the store. My chest was out, my butt was tightened, my strides were quicker but shorter, and my arms were swinging back and forth, trying to get as much momentum going as I could. As people were looking at me as I exited the mall, I knew I looked pretty foolish myself but, "what other option did I have?" I asked myself, I was now running really really late. When I got to the car and reached for my car keys, I felt something soft in my hand and I couldn't register for the life of me what it was. That was, until I looked down and saw two bright coloured, patterned pairs of underwear staring back at me. Somehow I forgot to put back the other two pairs I had selected, and I had walked through an entire crowded mall with two pairs of underwear hanging loosely out of my left hand. What's worse, I had shoplifted without even knowing it.

Shock, panic, and embarrassment all set in at the exact same time and, before I could even think, I was sprinting back inside the mall, waving my two pairs of underwear around in circles, trying to convince anyone who crossed my path that I was innocent. When I got back to the store, I ran to the first associate I could find and, out of breath, explained to her what had just happened while waving the underwear around in circles again, but this time, at the cameras in the four corners of the store. After all, if they caught me leaving the store with them, I was going to make damn sure they were going to catch me bringing them back.

And there you have it, my embarrassing (and, not to mention, petrifying) story for this week. I think the lesson we can all take from this is....Charley should never have ate my underwear in the first place. Okay, okay, that's probably not it. The real lesson is....don't go shopping with your car keys, visa, and phone jammed into one hand because it's awkward and you won't realize if you have other things like underwear stuffed in there too.

Oh, and on a separate note, a giveaway is happening around here today and I would love for you to enter for a chance to win $50 paypal cash. I mean, just think of all the underwear you could buy out of that! :)

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8 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh that's hilarious. What's even funnier to imagine is you speed walking out of the store with the panties hanging from your hand... what on earth did the people you pass think? HA!

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  2. I laughed out loud reading this! I can just picture all of this happening! hahaha

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  3. Oh my gosh. This is amazing for two reasons: 1. Jordan and I were JUST talking about underwear and how I need new ones. And I just bought like 5 new pairs! Okay, and 2: BAHA! Oh gosh. I wonder what people were thinking when they saw you! Or... you know, maybe no one noticed. ?? We can hope.

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  4. That is way too funny! I couldn't imagine walking around with a handful of underwear hahaha.

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  5. Lol this story is awesome ;) I Always feel stressed out by those buy 7 for $25 sales... Hard to find that many you like sometimes!

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  6. Visiting from the blog hop. I love this! I can only imagine the panic and love that you stood in front of the cameras to prove you were bringing them back!!
    I made the mistake once of just taking my keys, phone, and wallet into Target and I was wearing a dress - no pockets. I spent most of the trip trying to make sure things didn't slide out of the cart!!

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