It's Not You Blog, It's Me

15 August 2014

If you may or may not have noticed, I've been pretty absent around here lately. And while I wish I could blame it on all of the fun things that I've been doing or the busyness of summer in general, I can't. Sure, I've been kept pretty busy over the last month and I have been doing fun things, but I just don't think that's the reason. To be honest, I think it all comes down to me and how I've been feeling.

From the very first moment I started this blog, I never came here unless I wanted to. Truly wanted to. If I ever caught myself having a rare "not feeling it" moment whenever my laptop was flipped open, I'd immediately close it again and do something that I actually was feeling. Because I started this blog for pure enjoyment. And I wanted to make sure that I enjoyed it every single time I came here, regardless if that only was a couple of times a week.
But, the thing is, I've been having those "not feeling it" moments with a lot of things lately. And not just with blogging. It's kind of hard to explain, but I guess the best way I can is to say that I just don't feel very content, no matter with what is that I've been doing. And if you've ever been in a similar situation, you know just how hard it is to come here when you're feeling that way and write about the things that you're doing that you're also feeling that way about.

I have no idea what's been causing those pesky little feelings. All I know is that I just haven't been feeling like my normal, happy-go-lucky self. One who wants to do anything and everything. One who feels satisfied and motivated and one who gets enjoyment even out of the most mundane things. Not one who comes home in the evenings, sits on the couch in silence going through a list of things in her head that she could do, hoping that something will generate the tiniest bit of interest, only to wind up with nothing but an extra hour gone by and a completely scratched off list.

When you know that something feels "off", yet you have no idea as to why, you start focusing on it and you start searching pretty damn hard so that you can feel like your self again, which in turn causes you to be even more aware of the fact that something's not right. Almost like running on a treadmill or running around in circles, if you will. You're constantly moving and you're trying really hard the entire time, but yet when you're done, you're in the exact same friggen place from where it is that you first started.

What's ironic is that over the last few days I actually did want to come here and write, but the only thing that I wanted to write about was this, this rut I'm in, or whatever it is that you could call it. Every day I'd stop myself though, because I really didn't want to share it here. Although you could say I'm a "wear my heart on my sleeve" type of person, I'm also not one to run and pour my heart out to many others, if that makes any sense at all. But, tonight, I'm just going with it because I figured, well, why not? Why not take advantage of something that I actually want to do and have a lot of interest in doing? Why not be honest and share how I've been feeling? After all, this blog is about my life, which means that there's going to be times when the not so good moments gets mixed in with the good ones too. 

I will say that over the last few days I haven't felt like I'm on that treadmill quite as often and I honestly think it has to do with trying not to focus on how I've been feeling as much. You see, while being an overthinker and thinking about every little thing as often as I do can have its advantages, the majority of times it can be just a downright, plain curse. So, instead of thinking, I've been just doing. And I think it's been working. I'm taking it as a good sign that I'm here now because, although the topic is not the happiest of ones, it is actually making me feel pretty happy....and very, very content! ;)

As always, thanks for reading but today, more importantly, thanks for listening! 

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3 comments:

  1. everyone has those moments and by moments, i mean long dry spells. i went through one that started in may and i think it just starting to end. blog land will always be here so my only advice to you even though you didn't ask (:D) is to come here when you want. don't force it; let it be. focus on your life and what's going on and get out of *that* rut; then when things are back in harmony, blogging will come back too.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  2. Everyone goes through the dry spells and writer's block... I know I'm in one right now too. Thinking of you :)

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  3. I think one of the most frustrating feelings is when something is wrong or almost nagging at you, but you have no idea what it is that's leaving you discontent. I've definitely missed your posts, but I can understand where you're coming from!

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