It's Sunday evening and, just as I anticipated, the nerves have officially kicked in. The to-do list that I created for myself on Friday is complete, and the only thing that's left for me to do now is to relax and try and get a good nights sleep tonight. Ha, good luck with that!

My outfit for tomorrow is already picked out, my nails are painted, my lunch is packed and ready to go, and my purse is nice and organized with all the forms that I need to provide . My house is clean and tidy, the dogs fur is removed from my car, all the laundry has been done and put away, and my groceries have been bought for the week ahead. Everything that needs to be done so I can feel great going into the new work week has officially been done.

But let's back up a moment shall we?

It was 10 o'clock last Friday morning when I walked into my bosses office to let her know that I was going to have to leave work a little early that day, when she slowly raised her head from her computer and started to interrupt my ramblings that usually occur whenever I try and ask for any time off. By the look on her face, I knew right then and there what was happening in that exact moment - I was getting laid off. And sure enough, I was right.

After 5 years, my day to day routine as I knew it was now over.

I knew this day was coming, though. It wasn't a secret and, in fact, I thought it was going to be coming even earlier than it actually did.  For the last couple of months I have been completely on edge at work, just waiting for the dreaded phone call or waiting to see our Human Resources manager walk into my office. It's been nothing but a (long) waiting game.

You see, when I first got hired I was guaranteed a year. That's it. Since it was project work, we all knew there would be an end date. With the luck of some big and small extensions though, I never dreamed that 5 years later I would be fortunate enough to be left standing for as long as what I was. I've watched our group go from big to small, with even having to relocate offices due to our shrinking size over the years.

So, you could say it was no surprise that I knew my time was coming.

But it's funny because the news still hit me like a ton of bricks. It makes no sense but preparing for that moment over the last few months didn't seem to prepare me at all. My heart sank in my chest, I could feel my eyes begin to fill up, and my voice even started to crack as I began to speak.

I guess as much as I was preparing myself for the inevitable, it's still hard to let go of something you've been doing for so long. I loved my job (obviously that didn't mean I didn't have my fair share of complaints), and it was so very good to me during those years. I worked with some incredible people from all over the world, I was challenged at times, and I was introduced to a lot of things that I had never experienced before.

I remember the first year of my job like it was yesterday. I worked more hours than I could imagine but I truly enjoyed it. I felt part of something that seemed so big; something completely different than I was used to.

But with that said, I knew my time was up mentally too. As much as I loved my job, knowing it was ending made it very difficult every day to feel motivated and to feel valued. I was doing the same things that I'd been doing for years, and I knew a change was definitely needed. What's that saying again? If you're not moving forward, you're falling backwards?

I had no idea though a different change was coming so soon.

When my termination form was signed and all the tears/hugs were given, it was then that I was told by my boss that a position on another project with a different company was available if I were interested, but I had to let her know right away as it would be starting very soon. My mind was swirling and my emotions were all over the place. I barely understood one word she was telling me.

Up until that point, I had been preparing myself to use the extra time to figure out exactly what I wanted to do. Although I've been out of school and working for years, I still continue to ask myself that question often. Sometimes I'd even catch myself drifting off into la la land, thinking about all the possibilities that were out there. And as unknowing as it was, it was actually a little exciting to know that I was being given some time towards making a decision.

But before I knew it, I was saying yes to the new job opportunity. I rushed home and got my resume sent off as quickly as I could, and within a few days a contract had come through.

So that's where I am, nervous and all ready to start a new job tomorrow morning. Like my previous one, it's still project work meaning that it has an end date. I'm nervous but excited. And I know that's completely normal. Change can be a little scary. But I know it can also be a great thing.

I'm hoping this change will give me some motivation that has seemed to dwindle over the last few months, both at and outside of work. I'm excited for a new routine and meeting new people. I'm also looking forward to better lunches because I don't think I can get away with shoving a can of beans and a can opener in my lunch bag anymore.....well, at least until I get comfortable enough there! :)  

Well, I'm off to try and finish the last thing on my list-- go to bed early!  Wish me luck!

Until next time.